Finding Devani

I've been solo nomadic for 15 months now and finally feel motivated to share about it. I've

had several expansive experiences within this time of finding myself and I'm not sure I've integrated it all yet, but here we go. I went from Costa Rica to Brazil and back to Costa Rica to settle at PachaMama, a place I'm calling home...for now.

In December in PachaMama it was my second Christmas on my own. No family to cook for, no presents to buy, no house to clean before guest came, no walkway to shovel snow from, no alcohol, no crazy family gatherings, no conversation, no eye contact, and no need to say Merry Christmas. I was in silence for 10 days around Christmastime around others who were doing the same thing. I woke up a little sad because the memories of Christmas morning for me contained so much excitement, but on this day I was invited to create my own excitement. I remember dancing to music and feeling happy and free because I had escaped the consumerism and hectic schedule this time of year normally requires. I rang in the New Year ecstatically dancing around a fire with hundreds of people doing the same thinking I was truly living my best life.

Sounds lovely, I know, but also....I was still navigating the future and doing life on my own. I realize I have been in 3 long term relationships for the prior 26 years and had never spent much time being alone. I only knew how to be a wife and a mother while working a corporate job. Who was this new person who sold all of her things and thought she could travel around with few plans? I felt untethered, ungrounded, messed up, and freaked out! My friends thought I was equally courageous and crazy...and they were right! But I also felt like I was just walking the path in front of me while trying to stay in trust and surrender that life had my back.

In February of 2025 I flew to Ciranda in Brazil to the music workshop with Carioca for a month. This was the first time I really dove into music and medicine and I'll forever remember this time as opening me up to my passion for music. It was a beautiful time, and also very difficult as I navigated releasing things from my body and letting go emotionally. I cried so much, still for all the love that was lost, and for the fear of not knowing who I was anymore. I had to navigate the healthcare system in Portuguese as I had some bladder issues arise. Now I realize my second chakra was getting cleared out. Free from the security of a house, a family, and a job, I was left with everything being possible. So what next then?

I went back to my safe place in PachaMama to start a work exchange program so I could give back to the community that saved me twice over from incredible heartbreak. I settled into my open air glamping spot and worked at the raw vegan cafe. It was humbling to be going from being an entrepreneur and running an International business, to washing dishes and pouring juices. I tried my best, but it didn't last, and then I moved into another group where I could use some of my corporate skills. Fast forward to now where I accepted being the Transformation Manager for this beautiful village and help to manage the many workshops we offer, all the Healing Arts, and Movement Arts groups. Accepting this role means I cancelled plans to live in an Ashram in Bahamas for 3 months, to stay in Costa Rica for another year, or more. So I'm here now, living, exchanging my time, taking sessions, teaching workshops, and praying in the multiple ceremonies we offer here.

Last night in a powerful ceremony, I examined the last year of my life. From volunteering to living sustainably in a conscious community and contributing to the transformation of hundreds of people and using all of my skills. It's hard to fathom that 6 years ago I was married with teenagers and working in the corporate world. I couldn't dream of living the life I live now, which is so magical. I think I succumbed to the flow of life and followed my highest passions, and it worked! I was so confused a year ago after trying so hard to make a life for myself that didn't work out, that I stopped pushing and started trusting and allowing life to show me the path. I slowly made in the moment decisions that felt right, and so many possibilities opened up for me. I'm playing guitar regularly, teaching Reiki in PachaMama, hanging out with friends, cut all my dreadlocks off, and have been focusing on being comfortable being alone. I'm examining the concept of aloneness meaning "all oneness", that I have everything I need within me to create and sustain the life I choose to live. The more I allow and surrender, and focus on meditation and prayer, the more life shows up for me in ways I can't even dream. I vow now to flow with life more, and for it to show me the path. I don't have to know the way, the way knows the way. I'm still finding myself and I suppose that's what this life is about. At least now I'm focusing on me, and remembering who I am, and being comfortable in just being me.

I'm still giving online sessions, which seem to be extra powerful as I transmit the energy from the vortex in PachaMama. As I've worked on myself, the energy I channel is stronger and clearer too, resulting in powerful transformation.

Devani

Connect with me here

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